Friday, May 18, 2012

My 7 Years of Happiness or Sadness?

      Every girl has their own dream. 
      Every girls has their own memories that they want to remember.
      Every girl has their own goals in their life.
      But all of them cannot be compared for a girl that want someone to be their love ones forever.

Each of every girl in this world have their own crushes, that same goes to me. For me liking someone makes me as a happiest person in the world, it makes you want to overcome your own weakness for someone you like. Although its only a crush, it makes a dreamworld for every girl came true. 

     I started to know about love when I was in primary school. I know for that age its too early but how can I deny it, I'm still a girl ☺. My first crush is a cute little boy, I won't give his real name but let's called him MR. F! I started to fall for his cuteness and charming looks. He also is a really good boy. I really happy when I get to see him everyday and it happens that we are in the same class ☻. Everyday looking at him makes me really become the luckiest person in this world. Actually, its not only me who have a crush on him but also my best friend, I really don't mind share our crush but we also make a nickname for him. "Tayar Pancit" , that is his nickname, so that everyone will not noticed him as our crush. So, Mr.F is my first crush and it last for 3 years...

    When I was 10, I was in a new class as it just the beginning of the year, so its a new class, new people and new atmosphere and also new friends. It was fun having new people around you but for me a new sitting arrangements making me as the unlucky person in the class. You know what? It is the worst! Well, i'm happy that i got a new girlfriend besides me but the other one is a boy who really like to disturb me. He always bullied and teased me. He really annoyed me at that time. I really hate him because of what he had done to me. Sometimes i really got hurt for what he did to me. 
   Another year has passed, and guess what? The sitting arrangements is still the same!!!
How come??? So, it means that i have to sit besides him AGAIN!! How unlucky i am!!!
I thought he will changed but still the same person as before. That makes me sad..:(
Again and again, he kept teasing me with his prank...I really sick of it! Sometimes he knows that I'm mad but he just ignored it. He never apologized to me..:( Maybe he thinks that I'm a girl and was an easy target. 

But...An unexpected result has happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


But that's the truth, i have crush on him. Btw, let's just called him MR.A! Ok! I don't know how this happen but i kind like this feeling. Maybe when the time he teased me, i'm starting to like him ♥♥ Well, people always say that if you really hate someone will like him/her someday.

   Now, every time I looked at him, my heart starts to pound really hard. I couldn't hide my feeling for so long but I have to because i don't want him to know what I feel about him. It will change everything! I didn't tell my feelings to my friends because i think i want to keep it as my secret.

  As time pass by, I'm already 14 and i'm a teenage girl today but my feelings is still the same. Surprisingly, we went to the same school and also in the same class when we are in Form 1. But when we were in Form 2, we are not in the same class but he was just next to me! I mean his class was next to mine! It makes me a really happy person ☺☺☺☻☻☻

Now its been 4 years that I kept my feelings for him. Its been so long already. I thinks its the time that I told my friends about my feelings for MR.A. When I told them about MR.A, i was surprised that they did not shocked. They said that they've already noticed about my behavior and i was so embarrassed in front of them because it was obvious! thank god that he did not notice it..hehehehe...

I really like him! I wish i could tell how i feel but i think that is impossible because he already taken. but i don't mind..well, maybe i will have a better chance next time. Every time i saw him with other girl, i really wish that i could be that girl but in reality i know that was not me..:(

Yes, we were friends but i wish i could be more closer to him as i share his happiness and sadness with me. but i know that kind of thing will not happen to me. i just have to be a strong girl and try to get to him as far as i could.

When we were 16, i'm very happy because we in the same class! I mean MR.A! wahh..i can't believe it! Now, i think, maybe i have some courage to be his close friend but for me as long as i see him even though from far distance, i talk to him even in one word or saying hi to him, or met our eyes, it is  enough for me. If i could be patience for 5 years, why not in 2 years? Right?

We started to  close to each other but just as a friend, its fine for me. Talking and laughing with each other was like a dream to me and it really makes me a lucky person in the world. Doing this kind of thing really gives me some hope that maybe he likes me too.

  But that's on;y temporary, he started to date this girl who is my friend. First, I was surprised that she dates him because I know that she know that i like him very much. But maybe, she really like him. I know that I can't do anything about it as i will support their relationship as a friend. But it feels like that someone has stabbed behind your back. It really hurts. 

  Just god knows how i feel that time. When i saw then together in front of my eyes, the thing that i could do is smile and pretend that nothing happen. Do u know what it feels like? It feels like dying! 
   Everyday, i smiled in front of them when my friends know that i'm hurting inside. They gives me support and encouraged me to move on and find a better guy. I know that they want me to be happy but seriously, i liked for ages, how can i just forget about in one day??

                                                                 I'm really frustrated..:( 

As time goes by, i just let it go as that"s the only thing i could at that time. Later, i found out that, my "friend" which is the girl he dated, told him about my feelings for him. That's why he acted strangely in front of me. I thought he also like me when he flirting with me, he also called me "sayang" and dedicate this one song for you know that i'm really touched for what he did..???? and now, i'm just a girl who has been fooled by him where he can plays her feelings just like that.

   Actually i didn't know that he knows about me liking him at time but i just found out a year later when we 17. Isn't i'm a pathetic girl? I'm also stupid who thinks that i got a chance with him. How i can be so naive? 

After i found out that he knows, from my friend, I shed my tears..:( I was really sad that time and i cried for a guy who just played with my feelings!!! 

How STUPID i am to fall for a guy like that? I thought he was nice and different from other guy but he was the worst! 

I want to HATE him but i can't! because i still recognized him as my friend!

Being in love with him for 7 years makes me realized that he is not worth it. 

Sometimes i felt that i REALLY REALLY regret for knowing him and liking him. 

And it was the worst mistakes of my life !!!!!

and you know what?? 

i reject so many guys because of him because i thought that i could be with him one day and 

now i feel sorry for all the guy that has been rejected by me..:(

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